[personal profile] leaveoutallthefic
leaveoutallthefic: (Nate and Dan)
Title: Gutter Sunshine
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Pairing: Nate/Dan, Nate/Chuck, Nate/Jenny
Words: 1,180
Rating: Soft R.
Summary: He works hard for the money.
Author Notes: I write cracky fic. It's fun.

Hey Upper East Siders,

Rumor has it that the Crown Prince Nate Archibald is going down like the royalty he is. In style, often and with lots of enthusiasm. But most of you can't afford him. The gutter has never looked this good.


Gossip Girl


The alarm blared for only a moment before it was cut off by the hand that smacked it to the floor. Nate laid there for a few moments more, enjoying the warm heat of the bed before he slowly dragged himself out from under the blankets. His escape was stopped be the hand that grabbed his wrist and the muffled ‘Don’t go’ that came from the other side of the bed.

“I have to,” he said as he worked his hand free. “I’m supposed to meet Chuck before breakfast.”

“Fuck Chuck,” came the response, rather harsh and emphatically from the other occupant.

Nate only laughed as he leaned over to plant a sloppy kiss on the side of Dan’s neck. “I do, often and hard.”

Dan’s expression was rather confused for a moment before Nate’s confession broke through the haze of sleep and then shock took over. “Wait, you mean…”

“Don’t even. Chuck Bass may like it up the ass, but he is far from a bottom. He’s just as bossy and bitchy no matter how he’s getting it, he’s just too damn lazy to do the work.”

“That is more than I ever wanted to know about Chuck Bass,” Dan said as he buried his head under the pillow. Nate tried to pull free and frowned when Dan just held on tighter. “No. You have to stay.”

Nate sighed and worked his arm loose from Dan’s hold. “Dan, I told Chuck I’d be there this morning. I need to be there.” He ended up sitting on the floor shocked when Dan sat up and shoved him away, hard. “What the fuck.”

“Just go. It’s not like you’re here because you want to be anyway.” Dan’s voice sounded weird, pissed and something else as he walked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.


Nate smirked at himself in the mirror as he straightened his tie. He couldn’t see Chuck, the bathroom door had shut behind him as he walked out, but he could hear the muffled cursing as Chuck dressed.

“Fucking hell, Archibald, could you make less of a mess next time? I’m going to have to change pants before class.”

“You’re the one who told me to paint your ass, kinky bastard. Deal with the consequences,” he said as he picked up the credit card Chuck had thrown at him. He turned to watch as Chuck stumbled out of the bathroom, wearing only a half buttoned shirt and tie. “You didn’t answer me about Dan.”

Chuck looked up at him, a confused expression on his face. “What do you care? You’re only sleeping with him for a place to stay.”

“He’s my friend, Chuck,” Nate argued as he slipped on his shoes.

The reply came as laughter and then Chuck pinned him with an amused look. “No, Archibald, you’re his whore. And as long as he’s fucking you, he’s going to keep asking his father to let you stay,” Chuck told him as he disappeared into the bathroom again. “Don’t spend it all in one place.”

Nate stared at the door, suddenly feeling dirty as he shoved the card into his pocket.


He had only asked the question because he wanted an honest answer. He really hadn't expected her to slap him.

“What the hell?”

“I cannot believe you asked me that while we’re having sex, Nate.”

Nate rubbed his cheek and stared at the blonde that straddled him, then groaned and dropped his head back on the floor as muscles clenched tightly around him. His hands slid to her hips and pulled her down sharply as he pushed up deeper into her.

“Good boy. Now, fuck me harder and I’ll make you something pretty,” Jenny whispered as she rode him. Nate wisely kept his mouth shut and did as he was told.


“No. Just no.”

Nate slammed his hand against the door before it could be slammed in his face. “Come on, Serena.”

“No, Nate. I’m not giving you advice on my ex-boyfriend while you’re fucking half the town.” She said and then slammed the door.


He wasn’t stupid enough to ask Blair.


Nate sat in the middle of the bed, bare feet curled up under him as he stared at the blanket. He had no idea why Dan’s attitude that morning confused him. Or why Chuck’s comment had made him feel… like a whore.

“What are you doing here? I figured you be out working for your dinner.”

He looked up at Dan’s words, confused at the blank look on Dan’s face. Usually the other teen was an open book, but not tonight. “Decided to stay in tonight, if that’s okay?” He could probably go hide out in Jenny’s room until she came home if it wasn’t.

He knew the sound Dan made wasn’t the funny sort of laughter, it was the sort where you had to either laugh or cry. “Do what you want Archibald.”

“Dan…” He didn’t get to finish what he was going to say, his friend cut him off quickly.

“No, listen. I get you’re only fucking me because you think you owe me. The same way you fuck my sister so she’ll make you clothes and the way you fuck that bastard so that he’ll give you money. I get you’re so fucking attached to the high life that the thought of living a normal life like I do is completely reprehensible to you. It doesn’t mean I have to like it and it sure as fuck doesn’t mean I’m always going to be able to keep my mouth shut about it.”

Nate watched Dan pace while talking and he tried to cut in once again. “I-“

“What did I say? You get to listen, not talk. I thought maybe, just maybe, you had realized that you didn’t owe me and that we fucking had something and that’s why you kept sleeping with me but I was wrong and now I know. I don’t need a whore, Nate. You can sleep on the couch from now on, you don’t have to worry about my dad kicking you out, just don’t fuck my sister when I’m here.”

Nate just stared as Dan picked up the extra pillow and blanket and threw it at him and then walked out of the room. He didn’t move, not even when he heard the door to the apartment slam shut.


Hey Upper East Siders, Gossip Girl here.

Just spotted. Darling Dan Humphrey looking like he’d lost his best friend and his lover. Could they be the one and the same? Rumor has it that the Crown Prince of the UES Gutter just broke his heart. Or is it the other way around?

I’ll never tell. You know you love me.



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